I have asked several clients I have been seeing individually to put into words one realization they have come to which has made a big difference to the quality of their lives. My thanks to all who participated.

Here are their responses:

“One thing that I am learning is that despite my best efforts to not be like her, I tend to handle my primary relationship much like my mother did hers. That as a youngster I looked to my parents as indicators of how men and women relate and drew conclusions and made decisions about what love is. I am learning how susceptible children are, how they absorb like osmosis, unhealthy behaviours which can effect their happiness for years and years to come. I’ve learned it’s not my fault for what I assumed, figured out or distorted in those early years. But it is my responsibility now to become aware and heal these misconceptions.”

“One thing I am learning is how important it is to have intimate relationships, how important it is to truly be known. The only way to flourish and grow is to be known. I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months now and had believed that it was this truly amazing thing. The kind of relationship I’ve always wanted! I really felt safe. I have recently recognized that the reason I feel safe is because I haven’t let my partner get to know me. I haven’t made myself known. Of course I’m safe because I’m not vulnerable. This is not the kind of relationship I want because if I can’t be vulnerable then I can never tell this man how I feel. Who wants to be in a relationship where you cannot tell your partner how you feel? So I am learning that it’s important to be truly known in your relationships with others.”

“I always knew how able my mind was. I am only now willing to really recognize that my greatest strength is indeed my greatest weakness. My mind is at its destructive best at separating me from other people. I used to think the problem was the other people. I now recognize that my anger at them and loneliness is due to my fears, judgements and opinions that were all created by my mind.”