The Tyranny of Niceness
"...Niceness fails to live up to its reputation. It does not make relationships easier, does not
guarantee a stamp of approval nor improve the quality of life. On the contrary, niceness often
causes confusion in relationships because of the dishonesty implicit in suppressing one's
authentic thoughts and feelings. Being nice increases one's sense of alienation from oneself,
by far the harshest consequence of all. Niceness detracts from one's quality of life by
contributing to health and addiction problems that are an out growth of stressful internal
conflicts. In contrast, any difficulties that occur in achieving the essential honesty of authentic
acts and speech are overridden by the internal calm that prevails in its wake."
Evelyn Sommers
Tyranny of Niceness: A Psychotherapeutic Challenge
(courtesy: my colleague, Avraham Cohen)
OLD RECIPE, NEW RECIPE: THE KITCHEN OF GIVE AND TAKE
First you must climb into
the battered old saucepan
of love where you will
marinate in the sauce of
sex.
Then you shall be covered
with the wine of faith,
the oil of compassion and
the salt of sin and
suffering.
Now you are tossed in the
pan of chaos and seared
by the flame of truth.
You are carved by the
knife of compromise and
served with the spoon of
duty;
On to the plate of
acceptance and garnished
with the herbs of
humility.
At this point you may well
say GRACE.
