"That is one of the primary principles of miracles in relationships: We are to look to ourselves - our own lessons, thoughts and behavior - in order to find peace with another person... The ego will always tempt us to think that the breakdown of a relationship has to do with what they did wrong, or what they're not seeing , or what they need to learn. The focus must remain on ourselves.

Sometimes people will say to me, "...I think ninety per cent of this is their stuff." "Fine," I say. "Then we have ten per cent to investigate and learn from." That ten per cent that is "your" part is what you need to look at and learn from. It is what you will carry with you into the next scenario. The ego knows this, which is why it tries to put the focus on the other person.... In order to learn the most from relationships, you have to focus on your own issues."

"We dedicate ourselves to job, school, politics, golf. We let love take care of itself. What happens? A joining that begins in passion relapses into cliche while the first fresh taste of love is still on your lips. The moment comes (too soon) when you run across tax forms among old love letters. "Notice of Adjustment. Part I - Tax-Payer's Copy." And suddenly, Sunday finds you sprawled not on that high, singing meadow where the eyes of your love were able somehow to hold the whole universe, but in front of the TV. After six hours of pro football, the most brilliantly executed fake and roll-out seems trivial; the beer tastes like used detergent; the peanuts lie like hot mud at the bottom of your belly. Your love walks by, and a mechanical hand (one of yours?) reaches up to pat her on the fanny. As for her, she shakes her head and moves to check the washing machine. The machine churns in the background. Everything is secure. But your love isn't there. Her mind has flown her to that faraway sea of poppies on the edge of the cornfield where she is saying over and over, as did Madame Bovary, "O God, O God, why did I get married?"